I’m Back
Actually, I have been back for a while, just not blogging. My move is done and I am pretty much settled in at my new home. I’ve been a bit behind on some work projects, so I’ve had to spend the time there. Let’s see what I can do to change that.
Also, thanks to Geoff and everyone who wished me success with the move. Your wishes have come true!
Part of My Life’s Story in Song
All of us have a bundle of suffering that we carry with us every day. One of the larger items in my own bundle is a condition called Asperger’s syndrome (AS). I don’t know all the nuances of this condition, but as I understand it, Asperger’s syndrome results from a person’s brain being “wired” neurologically differently than the brains of most people. AS is pretty rare: one source says that it occurs in 0.024% to 0.36% of the population.
Without getting into all the details, a significant effect of AS is that I will very frequently misread nonverbal communication–those subtle, unspoken cues that can add so much information and context to the words a person uses. This effect has proved very difficult in my relationships with women.
I often misread women’s interest in me. I have tried to initiate relationships with various women, in a polite and friendly way, but long after my male friends assured me those women were not interested in me.
At other times, I have been utterly clueless about women who were very interested in me. One woman I used to work with was extremely interested in having a relationship with me, but she was also rather shy. After several actions on this woman’s part, two of my closest friends at work told me how interested she was in me, but I just couldn’t see it. Duh!
In 1992, I broke off the longest and most serious relationship I ever had with a woman. We had been talking about getting engaged to be married. My girlfriend was devastated when I said I needed to end our relationship. At the time, I was experiencing spontaneous memories of the childhood sexual abuse I had suffered at the hands of people outside my family. I was overwhelmed and having panic attacks regularly, so I could not stay in the relationship. After my girlfriend and I broke up, she became suicidal and received psychiatric treatment and a prescription of Prozac for 6 months. To this day, I can’t really understand why it was such a big deal for her. I knew she was fond of me, but I never picked up any clues that would indicate the intensity of her feelings for me.
The lyrics to this song from 1972 express pretty well my sentiments about this situation.
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It’s hard to make a disclosure like this. I thought about it a lot before writing this blog post. Ultimately, I have decided to share this part of my life because perhaps it will help someone else. I hope it does.
NFL Week 1: Way to Go, Chicago Bears!
Nice win. QB Kyle Orton looked in the Bears’ 29-13 win over the Indianapolis Colts. Of course, as my good friend, Unimike, pointed out, it is only week 1, so we’ll have to wait and see what happens. Even so, it’s a good way to begin a season.
The CTA Red Line Remains Under Construction
Over the weekend, the CTA’s Red Line trains were again rerouted over the elevated tracks (as opposed to running in the subway). If you’re coming to Chicago anytime soon, watch out for this weekend ritual, but be careful: it doesn’t happen every weekend. You need to observe the signs and pay attention to the announcements on the trains.
For the most part, it’s pretty straightforward. Of course, I live here and have been riding these trains regularly since I was a boy, so familiarity probably contributes to my comfort level. However, if you pay watch the signs and follow the announcements, it should be fairly easy. Even so, be careful at stops like “Lake” and “Jackson” where six different train lines stop.
I currently use the Blue Line a lot, but after my move, my main train will be the Red Line. Here’s a map of the various lines. Getting to the Chicago Wolves games will be a bit more involved, but the trips will be worthwhile. I’m already talking to some of the guys about attending the Wolves’ first home game of the 2008-09 season versus the Peoria Rivermen. (Note to self: where the hell did summer go?)
I’ll be posting more about the upcoming move soon. One great thing is that I’ll be living just two blocks from the beach. Yeah, I’m psyched.
Daydreamer Who Did Very Well in School?
Throughout school, I was a routine daydreamer. My earliest memory of daydreaming a lot was in the second grade. The teacher pointed it out and said she was going to talk with my parents about it.
Rather than worrying about the incident, I thought, “Hey, that’s great! The teacher wants to talk to Dad and Mom. My parents will be proud of me for getting special attention!” Yes, I was clueless about the context and the social implications of that request. Nevertheless, I just went back to daydreaming.
During those days, my daydreaming was rather obsessed about constructing the “perfect” house where my family and I could live. Nearly every day in class, I would escape to my private inner world of planning how all the rooms would look, how they would connect to one another, and all the other details.
My daydreaming continued through elementary and high school, then on into college and law school. My mind would just wander to faraway places, relive the past, or fantasize about the future. Even as an adult, when I attend classes, I tend to daydream no matter how interesting the subject matter is.
Here’s the weird part. Despite all my daydreaming, I always got very good grades in school. Even with my chronic distraction, I somehow managed to have the correct answers whenever a teacher called on me.
It seems strange. Now that I am learning about Asperger’s syndrome, I am developing a paradigm in which to understand these experiences a little better, but the phenomenon still confuses me. It strikes me as especially odd because I need a very quiet environment if I am to study something by reading. I am not one of the people who can “multitask”: I can’t listen to someone talk while I read or write about something different simultaneously. My mind basically shuts down when I try to do that.
Power Thoughts for Keeping My Sanity about My Upcoming Move
Jul.31, 2008 in
affirmations, family, moving, optimism, positive attitude, power thoughts
3 Comments
I don’t remember if I mentioned it here yet (and I’m too lazy to look it up now), but I’ll be moving my home by the end of September. That’s just two months away. The circumstances are a bit unusual. I don’t want to be mysterious about it, but I also don’t want to get into the details now. It’s too complicated and involves some unpleasant experiences with extended family, so I’ll keep the lid on all that stuff at least for now.
Here are a few power thoughts I’ve been using to help me stay calm, grounded, and sane during the craziness.
“I am finding the perfect new home for me.”
“Dad, Mom, and Sebastian are finding the perfect new home for them.”
“My move is going easily and enjoyably.”
“Dad, Mom, and Sebastian are moving easily and enjoyably.”
Sebastian is my parents’ miniature schnauzer. Due to a number of coincidences, my parents and Sebastian will also be moving during the next two months. I’m helping them to find a new home.
Recently, I also accompanied my good friend Mark as he relocated from the South Side to Edgewater. I helped him with the move. Well, that might be an overstatement. At one point, Mark invited me to “come over, drink beer, and watch him pack up stuff.” I did a little more than that, adding some muscle to the operation, but Mark and his dad (who flew here from Phoenix to help) did most of the work. In any event, the move went smoothly and the celebratory cold beers and dinner afterward were very nice indeed.
By the time October rolls around, I’ll be long overdue for a vacation. We’ll see what I can afford after of this moving is done.
Yes, I have a power thought for that, too:
“I am enjoying a great, affordable post-move vacation.”
Stay strong!
Unimike on the Minimum Wage (and, by Implication, Living Wage)
At The Lost City in the Endless Universe, Unimike has an informative and thoughtful blog post about the mimumum wage and the people who are paid it.
Here We Go Again
This evening, I had dinner with my good friend Mark and his dad who is visiting from Phoenix, AZ. At one point during the conversation, I told Mark’s dad about the ongoing drama we have with our public transportation here in Chicago. I mentioned the notorious “Doomsday” threats we endured at the start of this year, along with the ongoing funding crises that threaten to shut the CTA (or at least most of it) down every few years. I spared the man the details about the fare increases and service cuts.
When I got home, I saw this article in the Tribune.
It just never stops, does it?
It would be easy to blame Governor Blagojevich’s free rides for senior citizens for these latest dire warnings from the RTA (Regional Transportation Authority). To do that would be to overlook the most serious problem with funding for public transportation in Chicago. The system does not receive adequate funding from the state. Until the Illinois General Assembly develops a comprehensive and long-term funding mechanism, these crises will continue to arise.
Celebrating Flopsy’s and Mopsy’s Lives
I’ve written before about Flopsy, a miniature schnauzer, and my parents’ second dog. She passed away in 2002. Yes, I have missed that sweet little dog. But I have been comforted in the more recent years. My understanding of birth and death is a lot different now. I probably value life even more, but I also feel like I don’t really believe in birth and death. I have learned that those two events are relatively arbitrary points on a vast, ongoing continuum of life.
I have been especially reassured by some of the writings of the Zen teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh. His writing has shown me that one can take a bigger view of life, a view that is not limited by time or space, birth or death, coming or going, being or non-being, coming or going. Let me quote a few of his words here.
The day my mother died I wrote in my journal, A serious misfortune of my life has arrived. I suffered for more than one year after the passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage. I dreamed of my mother. I saw myself sitting with her and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit there and talk to her as if she had never died.
When I woke up it was about two in the morning and I felt very strongly as though I had never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is always alive in me.
There is obviously much more to the teaching, but here is the link to the complete article from which those quoted paragraphs come.
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/113/story_11310.html
If you enjoy that one, here is one more to savor.
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/113/story_11309.html
As little as 10 years ago, I would have said some of this was crazy talk. That was before my awakening began. It has been a long process, this waking up, but each day, each moment that I am mindful of my life, I wake just a little more and see reality a bit more clearly.
My parents’ first dog, Mopsy, grew up with my brother and me. That dear little dog passed away in 1989. I’ve cried a lot of tears over them, but I have been consoled more recently.
In December 2005, while I was on vacation on the Florida Gulf coast, I was taking a leisurely, but mindful walk along the beach. Walking shirtless in the wet sand near the water’s edge, I noticed the endless progression of waves. They rose, they fell. They came, they went. Some were big, some were small. Yet, for the first time I can remember, I saw much more than the waves. Within and all around the waves, I saw water, the ground or essence of being of the waves. I was deeply calmed and at peace by this realization. All the vicissitudes of life, the birth and the death, and the endless changes we experience were still there, but I saw into the nature of them and of me. I was no longer frightened.
As the sun’s light shone on the sea’s sparkling surface, to my left I saw pelicans flying over the water. To my right, a crowd of seagulls were resting on the warm, dry sand. As I continued walking, I had to look twice, but I saw both Mopsy and Flopsy playing in the waves. As the small waves broke on the shore, those two little dogs were rolling and running and tumbling over one another. The sound of the gently splashing water was like the happy panting of two dogs enjoying themselves in the present moment–the only place where dogs live. At that moment, I saw them, present, alive, well, and joyful, years after they had passed away and just over a thousand miles from where they had lived in Chicago. Having seen them, I am at peace. I know they are always with me. For that, I am blessed and very grateful.
